the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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