When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
