You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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