Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
