I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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