I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm really busy with my period
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