We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She bit a glass in half.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
