I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
