Where is the hickey?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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