She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
