just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
