just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
