you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
