I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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