the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
