my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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