Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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