last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
