Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
