holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.