sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.