Small penises have feelings too.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on