We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight