soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".