Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.