According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
