chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
cat food counts as protein by the way
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
