dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
