I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
