dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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