its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
