Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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