have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
