white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
