I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
