Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
