Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
