My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
