I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
