Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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