you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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