I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
