so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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