Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
