I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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