Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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