just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize