jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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