Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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