The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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