wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
