This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
