if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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