Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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