im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is the high leading the old right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
