On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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