You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
