she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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