My hand turned me down
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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