you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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