Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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