So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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