Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
