Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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