we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
