thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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