so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
