the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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