If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
